Journey continues

As this journey continues I have learned not to push myself too hard. I went grocery shopping earlier this week.  Sounds like a simple task.  It ended up feeling like I climbed Mount Everest,  Took 2 days to recover.

My spirits are good.  I feel happy, positive.

My body is doing weird things.  I am nauseous most of the time and can't face solid food except for my friend Dan's home made gluten free cheese bread.  Otherwise I am having Ensure and shakes made in the Bullet blender.  As someone whose vice in life has been food, not wanting to eat is an unusual experience.

My body likes to nap at unusual times.  Almost fell asleep in the uber taxi after treatment.

My mouth has a metallic taste so I also brush my teeth a lot.  My dentist would be proud.

I find that having access to cable T.V. Here has not improved my opinion of it.  I do have to say that the Property brothers are cute, so they are nice to watch.

I am kinda like my 86 year old Dad where I can all of a sudden nod off in front of the tv without any warning.  I am a crazy party girl now.

The radiation treatments are fine.  They don't hurt or anything.  Just the side effect of exhaustion.  Just like when you have a new born baby.

My hands shake as I type so please excuse any errors.

I don't find that I am too bored.  Lots and of reflection  time .  I fall asleep to my nightly meditation each night.

I am in the regent park area, every driver I have had has told me not to go out at night.  The streets are actually pretty quiet with little traffic noise in the evenings,

My thigh hurts.  Pain meds are good.

I have some emotional moments but overall I am keeping it together.  The emotion is either triggered by pain or worrying about my kids.  I think every Mom in this situation worries about her kids.  So I have a good cry now and again.  As the saying goes....better out than in.

I have many people checking in on me through Facebook and texting and email.  It is great to get so much support.  

I love being here in the condo as it gives me my own quiet retreat and reflective place where I don't have to worry about a schedule beyond my Radiation appointments.

I have had visitors too which is nice.  Everybody has been good with me having to lye down durning visits.

It's all good

Spiritual radiation

This is part of my spiritual journey.  Below is a picture I have drawn.  As you may notice Art was never my strong suite lol.  It's a picture of me lying on my back, in the radiation machine with my hands folded on my chest.  There is an infinity symbol on the sarcoma on my thigh.

First you will see surrounding me the souls of my dead love ones who are sending me healing energy and white light.  I am at my head as my spirit self is part of the circle.

You will see my Mom to my left and My Aunt Ethel to my right as these two sisters work together across me.

The next pair is my Aunt Mary across from Aunt Jean.

These four women in their lives where the strongest and most loving women in my life who through my childhood and beyond were amazing role models who loved me.

At my feet is my beautiful friend Elyzabeth holding my feet and grounding me in her light and love as she did in life.

I have placed around me other family members from the other side who add their healing energy to the process.

In the room I visualize a barred owl my spirit guide.

Over me, a white light bubble of God pours down with unconditional love and peace.

I flow the white light through my body up and down and in infinity patters.  The infinity pattern on the lump is flowing through the white light of love, healing and joy.

When The radiation machine is on I got inspired by the public works services team at work.  As the radiation hit I imagine the water folks flushing out the cancer.  The sewage people have dropped in to pull out all the yucky stuff like they do at the pumping stations.  The roads group have their repair kits.  Dig out the cancer with backhoes, picks, shovels.  Takes away the cancer and replaces it with healthy cells.

Facilities have their repair team in there with tools to fix me up and use the ice edgers to scrap out the cancer around the edges, clean up the degree left behind and scrub the area clean.  The parks group are pulling out the cancer weeds, chop up the large bits in the tree shredder and pull the cancer away.  Then the mechanics get in ther and tune thins up.  Change out the bad fluids with good healthy fluids.

This is how I am visualizing through each session.  I leave the treatment room feeling loved and full of peace.

Radiation Start Date March 9th

Princess Margaret just called this morning, and they are moving faster than I thought.  My first radiation treatment starts on Wednesday March 9th and I should wrap it up on Friday April 15th


I will probably be going down to Toronto tomorrow and will be down there most of the time (coming home some weekends) until  April 15th.



Excited to get started, but nervous too

Today's lesson

Today's lesson 

Today we went out for Michaels 6th birthday.  As a Mom I had to be there for him so I took lots of pain meds and went.

I obsevered that I can no longer push myself to do these things.  I can sit for about 15 to 20 minutes at a time before I need to lye down.  I verified that tonight.  Definitely going to be in bed for a very long time recouping from the restaurant excursion.

So for those who are looking to see me and my cantaloupe slowly turning into a bowling ball, they will need to come to me and I will be lying down.

A wise friend told me on Friday to do what I need to do and not worry about pleasing others.  Lesson learned.