Here is some information about me. I am a wife (soon to be age 48) I have two boys age 5 and 8 (I had my kids late in life). I am married to my fantastic husband
My career is in Human Resources since 1994. After 20+ years of experience I have assisted many people during the times of their lives when illness has come to themselves or their family.
One of the opportunities I have now, is to be on the other side of the table, and learn from this.
I have the reassurance of family at home.
Being away from work when there is a time of restructuring, job redesign, even my office is moving is unsettling and has thrown me for a loop.
People who know me, will understand my domestic skills are not my strong point. So being at home all day is like trapping me in a cage. If you drop by my house I can guarantee you will not find it tidy, organize or vacuumed. When you ring the doorbell I will let you in then quickly excuse myself and clean the toilet and sink before you can discover my bathroom.
My idea of home making is doing that mad rush once a month when I know company is coming to clean everything up. It is a 5 hour power clean, and I become a Drill Sargent to my kids ordering them to clean up their rooms NOW. Everybody is miserable and frantic, but resigned it is something that must get done. Grumpy doesn't even begin to describe the emotions around cleaning.
If you drop by unexpected, you have to deal with whatever you find when you get here and please let me clean the bathroom as you arrive. -- remember I have two small BOYS AND we don't have yellow tile in our bathroom floor. Nor do I decorate with toothpaste on the counters or mirror as part of my decor.
I am one of those people who have 50 pairs of underwear so I only have to do laundry every 4-6 weeks
My husband does the kids laundry, buys the groceries, does all the cooking, takes out the garbage. Cuts the grass, shovels the snow.
I don't cook, or bake. I don't do crafts.
Before you judge... I work a full time job that I LOVE leaving the house at 7:30 a.m. and returning at 6:15pm.
My husband works a part time job so he has the time to do the laundry, grocery shopping and kids stuff. We are a bit of a reversed household. He is actually really good at that stuff. Along with being good at video games, computers, reads the same fictional fantasy books, plays D&D and takes care of us.
I don't tend to connect with many other women.
I absolutely cringe at the idea of watching chick flick movies or any historical romantic movies where other woman I talk to seem to melt at the idea of these movies - they make my skin crawl.
We don't have cable TV, so no, I don't know who the latest hollywood actors are, I don't know the cool TV shows, and I don't watch reality TV, and I probably never will.
I play dungeons and dragons, video games on the PS4. I read spiritual growth books (new age). I read about past lives, intuition, meditation, the universe, mediums, Authors such as Neal Donald Walsch, Wayne Dyer, Ekhart Tolle, George Anderson, James Van Praagh
I like horror movies - the really bad ones such as Evil Dead, or the ironic ones - cabin in the woods. I enjoy movies such as Monty Python's the Holy Grail, Bubba hotap, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, all of the Lord of the Ring movies, Star Wars, Avenger/Marvel movies. (but I don't like spiderman).
I like documentaries, and weather disaster movies.
I don't really get offended easily, I watch the stand up comedians on Netflix and laugh at jokes that as someone working in Human Resources I could never even repeat at work without getting fired.
I love Youtube. That is a wild place to be. One moment watching about the Titanic, the next about talking to the dead, the next about new technology, then quantum physics. There is so many interesting things on You Tube.
I read Fantasy novels (Authors such as David Eddings, Margaret Weis, Terry Pratchett, J.R. Tolkien) about dragons and quests, dark elves, dwarfs, treasure, and orcs.
I play cribbage and Euchre.
I read to my children and snuggle up with them and listen. I love to listen to my boys. See how they are viewing life. Listen to their questions, their thoughts, their conversations. We make a lot of jokes about the words "Chicken Butt" in our house - and sing silly songs.
My heart place is at my cottage. In the hammock, watching the water, looking at the birds, the bugs, the grass, the rock. Just being there in nature swinging back and forth on a warm summers day. Listening to my kids play, and the fun conversations they have. Being with my Dad, having the pleasure to get to know him as not just my Dad but another soul having this incredible journey. The cottage -- That is heaven.
In my day to day life, where I feel like I accomplish something, contribute the most is at work. It hits all my success buttons. I enjoy the interactions with the people at work. I enjoy the challenges that people bring to me. I enjoy being part of the team that can make the whole corporation succeed. Each of the departments I work with have different needs, different focuses, they all do fascinating work, with good people, and I can be part of that. I have a motto I carry around at me "Be Curious...Embrace Wisdom". I am constantly learning from those around me at work. Bright, intelligent, diverse people who really care about what they do, and the community.
The best part is I work in municipal government. It connects me to my everyday life. The things we take for granted every day. The water we drink and shower in, the sewage in the toilet going safely away, the garbage we put on the curb, the snow that is shovelled, the swim lessons, the dance classes, the parks we play in, the trails we walk down. The new neighbourhoods we build. The sidewalks we walk on. The environmental standards that are upheld, the bylaws, and traffic lights, and lines painted on the streets. Look around any urban setting and everything you see is touched by municipal government to make living easier, comfortable, modern and as safe as it can be.
Now I am going to be off work for Months... and that changes a big definition of who I am.
With all the changes happening at work, this is the part of my life I feel most vulnerable. where I have lost my voice by not being there.
My job is being split into two. The one part I love, gives me passion and joy. And the boring part, it's good knowledge, and creates some challenges, but I'm okay if someone else does part 2.
My fear is that the passion and joy part of my job will not be there for me. That my absence I loose my ability to lobby for a great emotional and intellectual part of my daily life. Its like trying to hold onto water, and slowly drowning down without any control.
I wonder how many others I have worked with in the 20+ years have felt the same way? How many felt disempowered because they got sick and had to leave work? Work is a big definition of our "doing" and "being" in life. Did I reassure enough? Did I protect them enough while they were off? Did I connect enough?
Maybe this is just part of the entire FEAR emotion of getting the "Cancer" diagnoses.
My wonderful Husband got to hear me have a total breakdown about work. I was crying and shaking and pleading with God that my joy at work isn't taken away from me.
My kind loving man reminded me I have a job to go back to. Does it really matter if I am "Happy" at that job, or that I have something to go back to? I am the main bread winner of the household. I am the only one with benefits. I am our only pension. There are thousands of people out there who would Love to do a job that is just "ok" with benefits, pension and you could walk out at the end of the day, go home without much of any challenge. I've been luck to have a job with a passion behind it. Would it be the end of the world if that changed?
No
The end of the world is if I am not here on earth to enjoy my kids, my family and my weird friends who like all the odd stuff that I like.
My job is not who I am
I am the mom who plays video games with her kids
I am part of a Dungeon & Dragon group that meets every six weeks to find treasure and kill dragons.
I am the person that is meditating and talking to my deceased Mom, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents God... in that new age kinda way. - I am "that one" in the family. :)
I already have lined up, when I am back up on my feet and healthy, I am getting a big tattoo of an Owl that everybody will see. I might even put a little purple dye in my hair.
(The only reason I am waiting on the Tattoo is that I figure mixing cancer treatments and tattoos is not wise)
It is time.....
Shake it all up.
Hug the world and enjoy.
Life is GOOD. (and a bit surreal)
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