Thanks to someone dear who called me yesterday I was introduced to Dr. Bernie Siegel. I am just stating his pre-surgery meditations that I downloaded onto my I-Fruit
I have a job that I love... My husband would say I have a passion for. I care deeply what happens to those at work, and I want to help facilitate through my role in HR the best support, the best solutions possible. I love learning about the business, and the business partner is a fulfilling part of my day. The complexities, strategies, as well as realizing everybody has human emotions all tied into a workplace. I work with people who are all good intentioned (different styles and personalities create opportunities) but I can honestly say everybody there has good intentions to make what we do as a municipality a top notch service and function of urban society. I feel like I can do "good" here. for our world. I care deeply. I am not afraid to admit after working with some of the staff, that my heart hurts. They have left my office and I've cried to myself. I hoped for them to find peace and joy and good health.
I leave the house at 7:30 a.m. and get home at 6:15 p.m. most nights after having a positive, fantastic day at work, but exhausted at the same time. My family loses out.
I have a magnificent family life. My husband and boys are the centre of my day to day life at home. I also have my Dad, my sister, my brother in laws, mother in laws, father in laws, cousins, friends -- all a part of this wonderful family I have around me.
Life is good, it is beyond good, it is fantastic.
So whats the catch here? Why now? What's the lesson in timing.
Lesson 1: Work found a fantastic person quickly to help out with the human side of my client group. I feel better, that they are begin taken care of. I can let work go while I go through this experience. Give myself the time to take the journey and explore what it all means. I know that when I come back, I will have a different perspective. What a relief I had after speaking with her today that I can take a deep breath, and allow that part of my life to move forward while I heal with full trust that everybody is going to be taken care of (I think that is my Mom in me). I worry about others health, how they are coping, how to help make their job more joyful and easier to accomplish.
Lesson 2: Time to reflect. I may not have all the answers yet, but I have come up with some insights so far into the journey
- I discovered that I hold back on making emotional connections with people. I hesitate to reach out. Not because I don't want to, but even though I seem very extraverted, in actual fact I have an inner introvert that pulls me back a bit. When I say connect its about making connections to who people are as a person. How do they like to have fun. What's great about them that I can learn about? Can I get into the fun group or do I hold back and watch? This is both at work, and at home with friends and neighbours. I think I hold back. I am holding back, with an internal dialogue of caring and wanting to participate. Something to ponder on.
- I have discovered I need to rebalance my time by myself. Time where I go for walks, contemplate the meaning of the universe, check in with me. Re-evaluate how my life journey is going so far, think about the adjustments and "tweaks" I can make along the way.
- I have discovered that I am looking for that life energy. The energy people have coming home from work, where they still have enough zip to be present with the kids, and do homework, and giggle on the chesterfield, and read books. For the last 5 years I have come home from work with my energy crashed as I spent it all up. I fall asleep by 8:00 pm, and I beg in my head for the kids to get to bed quickly so I can go to sleep as exhaustion takes over. I need to have a lot of sleeping time on the weekend to catch up, to start the week on Monday "again". -- Even that language "Monday again" is something to explore.
- The insights are just starting, I am sure over the next few months I will have more.
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