The trip to the hospital was a good experience.
I arrived on Sunday, they did an ecg, and took lots of blood.
Monday morning at 8am I was in the surgery room with a room full of very fun people. I had freezing from my chest downwards, so I was awake during the procedure.
I got to see my MRI scans, and listen to them talk about the "lump". It is a size of a cantaloupe and they took a slice out of it for a biopsy. it looks like they took about a 1/2 cup amount of stuff out. It was neat to see, it was like pink ooze from my point of view.
They send the biopsy to the lab, and the lab calls back to say it was a viable sample, so they stapled an sewed me back up.
The fun part of being awake was I could participate in the banter back and forth.
During one point the song "Hello" from Adele came on the radio. Nurses where singing along. For those who know me, I find Adele's high pitched voice hurts my ears when she hits certain notes. I started to giggle, strapped down paralyzed listening to Adele sing hello. Kinda like a modern form of torture. (Of course I didn't tell the staff I don't like Adele. They were all having fun singing away to the song.). As long as the staff is happy, I am happy. I need them to feel good while they are pulling stuff out of my leg. A happy team is a good team!
So off to recovery I went. That was fun too. Everybody was in a good mood. I had a nurse in training help out, so I was her test subject for the recovery room. It was interesting to feel the freezing release from my body. The bottom of my feet felt like tree bark (birch tree bark). The back of my legs felt like the finest silk against the stretcher. As the freezing wore off, I could wiggle my toes more, and bend my knees, all these different sensations came back to me. Got to focus on my body and how it works, and the sensations of each moment. Body meditation of sorts.
At the beginning, there was a real connection in my mind to those who are paralyzed all the time. When first out of surgery, the nurse asked me to move my toes. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move my toes. She placed ice on my toes, I felt nothing. For me it was a temporary experience.
A ah ha experience when off in my head. This is how some people in our world live their lives each day. Being able to see their legs, but with all their will, not having them move. Was not scary for me as I know mine was temporary, but I could imagine the fear of someone who suddenly finds themselves in this state for the rest of their lives. Something to ponder on. Appreciate. Learn from.
The next step will be biopsy results, probably radiation to reduce the cantaloupe down for removal, and maybe Chemotherapy.
After the surgery, I have had this inner peace which is amazing. I am not worried. I am feeling grateful, blessed, loved and at peace. The anxiety seems to have melted away.
The journey is not completed, and the road is still ahead of me. I am not worried. Peace envelops me.
One of my favorite Poems has always been "The road not taken" By Robert Frost and it really spoke to me about my last few days (and my life in general)
The Road Not Taken
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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